Exciting news in my family: My parents are in the process of adopting a rescue dog from a local shelter. (I’m so excited for them!) After they were approved for adoption, they received a “letter” from their new pup. I wanted to share it with you because it’s full of great advice for navigating the first few weeks with a rescue dog. (And it’ll definitely help you see things from their perspective!)
Dear Mom and Dad,
I have finally found you! I have waited so long to be part of your family. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life, but I do need your help during these first weeks. I am feeling sad and frightened.
I have just lost my home again. I was happy in my foster home and, just like every other time I changed homes – from the street, to the shelter, to the vet’s for some surgery, to one or more foster homes – I had go get used to all the new things there. There were new smells, new sounds, strange people and dogs, and different routines to learn.
Now I have to do it all over again.
But, I can do this. This is my job for the first few weeks I am with you. Please help me:
Give me at least two weeks for us to get to know each other and for me to feel like I am truly at home.
Picture me as an empty bucket. I am a bucket that holds stress. I added to the bucket with each of the changes I mentioned. It takes weeks for some of the stress hormones to leave my body. Add to all that stress, the fact that I was not socialized well as a puppy which means I may not have learned the necessary skills to adjust to new things. My bucket is already nearly full! If it overflows I might overreact to events and growl, snap, or bite.
Let me briefly meet your other pets, one at a time.
If I am nervous about them, let me get used to them through a barrier like a baby gate. When I calm down, then let us be together with you right there to keep me safe.
Put me on a leash and show me around our home.
Let me sniff and look. I expect to be kept away from some areas of our home until I can show you that I can be trusted not to chew on your furniture or your clothes, or use the inside of our house as a toilet.
Give me a place that is all my own where I can rest in peace and know I am safe.
Please make a house rule that when I am in my “special place” no one is to bother me and other animals are to be kept away. I will appreciate it if you make my place comfortable and quiet, and give me something to do while I am there, like toys and something to chew. This would be a good place to feed me until I am comfortable around others in the family while I eat.
Feed me what I am used to eating for a couple of weeks before gradually changing my food.
The stress of changing homes again may make my tummy unhappy with new foods.
Start right away with the routines I must follow.
Take me out to potty using the same door each time and taking me to the same spot outside. Do this often so that I can quickly learn where to go and so that I won’t have accidents in our house. Start right away showing me house routines like where I will sleep at night and what I should do when you are eating dinner. Please tell me how good I am when I do what you want.
Show your children how to play politely with me and always be there to make sure we are being polite with each other.
Sometimes I can get too excited or too tired and forget my manners, just like children can. Please supervise us both and separate us if either of us gets out of hand.
Let me stay home for the first two weeks I am here so that I do not have to meet new people and dogs, or deal with new places and activities.
I know you want to share me with family and friends, but that will have to wait. I first need to feel relaxed and fully at home with you, willing to engage with you, both when I want and when you want me to. Until then, please do nothing to add to my stress. If strangers of any age come to visit, please explain that they will have to leave me alone for now.
Once I can trust that I will remain safe, introductions to other people and animals should be done slowly, allowing me to make the choices about whether or not to interact.
If I am shy you may have to introduce me gradually to every new person, animal, and place with which I come in contact. People can gently toss small treats to me (I would suggest something yummy like small pieces of boiled chicken). You can tell children that I am like a stranger from another country who does not understand your language, doesn’t know how you do things, needs help understanding the rules of this new place, and that you are teaching all of
this to me. It will be awhile before they can play with me.
If I begin to show signs of stress, either quietly remove whatever triggered my behavior, or take me far enough away to allow me to relax. Please wait for me to do so. Stand quietly with me: do not pet me or try too hard to comfort me. I might misinterpret this as praise for acting frightened. Talking quietly to me and remaining calm will convey to me that all is well and that I can relax.
Be patient! Remember that I want to do what is right: I just don’t always know how.
Take me to a training class. If you have problems with my behavior, please ask for help.
With your help, I can do this! I can stay with you for the rest of my life.
Me after reading this letter